Perfectly Us, a Brookside Romance Short Story

Chapter 1

Kate

If I had known I was going to end this day crying in the bathroom at work, I would have used waterproof mascara. Having an emotional breakdown in a public space is bad enough and raccoon eyes will only make things worse—especially since there's not a lot of room to hide here at the Brookside Fire Department where I work as a dispatcher. I lean against the sink and dab at my face with a balled-up paper towel even though new tears continue to gleam and shimmer in my eyes, mocking my efforts.

The bathroom door creaks open. “Kate?”

My stomach twists at the sound of my friend’s voice. I angle my head so my hair hides my face, a thick curtain of auburn curls blocking my tears from Sarah’s eyes. “I’m okay.” I sniff. “I just need a minute.”

Sarah closes the door and the lock clicks into place. “Nice try, but I’m not buying it. I saw you come back from your lunch with Matt.” She crosses the room and tucks my hair behind my ear. Now there's nothing hiding my blotchy skin, reddened nose, and smeared makeup. Sarah’s face crumbles. “Oh, sweetie! What happened?”

I swallow hard. “It’s nothing.”

Or nothing I want to discuss here, especially because Matt’s out there somewhere. Most days, it’s great working together. Five years into our relationship and I still crave more time with him.

But today?

When I’m this upset?

All I want is to get control of myself and make it through this day without him knowing I’ve been crying in the bathroom.

“Nope. Not buying that either. It’s definitely something. The Kate Hardaway I know is an impenetrable fortress. Either you got attacked by body snatchers or something shitty happened at lunch.” Sarah smiles while scanning my face for my reaction.

I try to smile and look brave, but it’s hard to fake strength when I’m afraid my whole life is falling down around me.

Sarah draws her eyebrows together and leans against the sink. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I sigh and close my eyes, begging the tears to stop. “Or maybe not.” I open my eyes. “I’m sure I'm overreacting.”

“Why don’t you explain what happened and I’ll let you know if you’re overreacting or not.” Sarah crosses her arms over her chest and leans closer to me.

What happened? One little statement that changes nothing and everything in the same instant.

“Matt said he didn’t see himself ever getting married.” Fresh tears gather as I speak. “And I know it shouldn’t bother me. We’ve been living together for three years. We’re basically already married. But…” I flare my hands.

“But you’ve been dreaming of marrying Matt Hamilton since before he even asked you out?” Sarah hands me a new paper towel. “And who could blame you? A sexy blond firefighter who looks more like a Viking than a guy from this century? And he’s nice? And smart. And funny…”

I stare at her, widening my eyes in exasperation. “The last thing I need right now is a reminder of how perfect he is.”

She grimaces. “Sorry. I know how much you’ve been hoping for a proposal.”

I nod. “And I want kids someday. And I’m almost thirty. And…” My lips pull down into a frown as the real reason I’m upset comes out. “I thought he and I were on the same page. I thought, you know, we were like soulmates or something.” I shrug, embarrassed. “And now this makes me think I’ve been wrong about him this whole time.”

That last admission pulls a fresh set of tears out of me. Not just the polite ones that have been leaking out of my eyes for the last twenty minutes, but deep, gut-wrenching sobs. I love Matt with all my everything. The last few years have done nothing but prove how perfect we are together. How he’s everything I’ve ever needed all wrapped up in one sexy, firefighting package. But if he sees his future going one way and I see mine going another, how long can we last? This morning, concrete and steel made up my world, supported by a foundation of rock and stone. Now, it's quicksand shifting beneath my feet.

“I know I sound like a spoiled brat, wanting more when I already have everything.” I swipe at my eyes again. “I just thought this would be the year, you know? That he’d find the perfect way to propose and we could get married and start a family. Now…?” I shrug, feeling helpless.

“You need to talk to him.”

“No way.” I shake my head. That's the last thing I need. “Not here. Not in front of everyone.”

“Then when you guys get home, then. You need to be honest with him about how you feel.”

“That’s the thing. I know I’ll cry the moment I start talking about it…”

Understanding dawns on Sarah’s face. “And, because he’s such a good guy, he'll propose on the spot.”

“Exactly. He’ll swoop me up and start trying to fix everything. I don’t want to manipulate him into proposing. I want him to want me. If forever's in our future, we need to be on the same page, you know?”

Sarah licks her lips, nodding. “What are you going to do?”

“I have no idea. I can’t imagine being around him and keeping all this bottled up. It'll eat at me. But Sarah,” I say, choking back a sob. “What if this is the end? What if I’ve been wrong about him? About us? What if he doesn't love me as much as I love him?” I clutch at my stomach, feeling nauseous.

“You know what? You need to take a beat.” Sarah sits back on her heel. "If you can't be around him, then don't be around him."

“What do you mean?” Just the thought of leaving Matt brings a new set of tears to my eyes.

Sarah wipes them from my cheeks. “I mean, come live with me for a few days. I’ve got that second bedroom I never use.”

Can I do that? Can I walk away from Matt, the man I love more than anyone, because of one little thing he said over lunch? One little thing that might mean nothing?

Or does it mean everything?

Sarah grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Consider it a trial run. Figure out what life is like without him. Maybe you’ll find you’re better off. Or, you’ll realize you can be unconventional and skip the whole marriage thing. Either way, you'll know.”

“I already know I can’t live without him.” I feel like I’m dying. Like I can’t breathe. Like the world has fractured and everything has turned upside down.”

Sarah raises her eyebrows. “It’s your choice, babe. Matt’s an amazing guy. But if he’s not interested in the same future you are, maybe he’s not your amazing guy.” She shrugs. “I’ll support you either way. I just want you happy.”

After giving me a long hug, Sarah leaves, proving why our friendship has lasted two decades. She gets me, knows I need space to tackle tough decisions. I stare at myself in the mirror. Try to make sense of everything when nothing in the world makes any sense at all.

I'm numb. My thoughts are too thick to sort through. And going home to Matt, having to hide all this, that sounds like a special kind of hell.

After a few long breaths, I wash my face and leave the bathroom. Head straight to my supervisor where I make a vague excuse about needing to leave. In a daze, I go home, pack my things, and walk out on the man I love more than anything in this world.

Chapter 2

Matt

If I had known I would end the day with the woman I want to marry leaving me, I might have made different choices.

Five minutes ago, I walked through the front door, ready to wake Kate up by trailing kisses down her body. Now? I’m standing in the living room, in shock. Clutching a tear-stained note and realizing I messed up. In the space of a few moments, my whole life collapsed.

She needs space. Time to think. Because she’s not sure we’re on the same path anymore.

I crinkle up the note and ball it in my fist, laughing and shaking my head. When I told her I didn't ever see myself getting married, I meant to throw her off the scent. Valentine's Day is in a few days and I spent the last year planning the perfect proposal. The ring is in my pocket. Has been for days. Reservations at her favorite restaurant? Yep. Made those last week.

As tired as I am after a twenty-four-hour shift at the firehouse, sleep will have to wait. I grab an energy drink out of the fridge, pull my coat back on, and head back out to my truck. Kate’s unhappy and I can’t tolerate that. Time to rescue her.

I stink like sweat and burning things. Right after lunch, dispatch sent me out to a fender bender on I-26. It was standard, but kept me busy until after Kate’s shift ended. A few hours after that? A housefire. A serious one. It took until just a few hours ago to get it under control. Instead of showering at the station, I opted to come home and talk Kate into showering with me. I never dreamed I’d be coming home to an empty house. Not today, not ever. Kate is my forever and I have the ring in my pocket to prove it.

My breath puffs in front of my face and bits of frost have already formed in the corners of the windshield. There’s nothing good about February. It’s cold and dreary and awful. Of course, by the end of this week, this month will hold a great memory for us. The month I propose. The purple flower in the dead of winter, the same color as February’s birthstone. I rub my hands together before backing out of the driveway and heading to Sarah’s apartment. It’s early and I bet they're still asleep, but damn it, I can’t spend a single day without my girl.

Ten minutes later, I pull into a parking spot beside Sarah’s beat-up car and stride down the sidewalk to her front door. She answers before I knock.

“I figured you’d be here sooner rather than later.” She leans on the doorframe, keeping the door more closed than open.

“Because you know I can’t let Kate walk away from us.”

Sarah sneaks a look over her shoulder and then leans forward. “I don’t know, Matt. You messed up yesterday.”

“Obviously. But I’m gonna need your help here.”

“My help?” Sarah looks shocked. “I’m sorry Matt, I like you, I really do. But Kate is my first priority.”

I dig into my coat pocket and pull out the small black box, opening it to show Sarah the diamond ring inside.

Her eyes go wide. “I think you have the wrong woman,” she says, her hand covering her heart.

“I’ve been planning this for the last year. Scraping money together for the ring. Trying to keep it secret because that’s what she wants.”

Sarah closes her eyes, nodding her head. “A surprise Valentine’s Day proposal. Kate’s talked about that since we were teenagers.”

“Exactly. She’s my everything and I want to give her everything in return. My life is hers.”

“Dude, she’s pissed off. You might have to scrap the whole secret thing.” There’s movement from deeper in the apartment and she glances over her shoulder again.

It’s only three more days, right? Kate will come around as soon as she understands. “It’s not perfect if it’s not a surprise. It has to be exactly the way she’s always imagined it. You have to help me but you can’t tell her anything.”

Kate’s voice, thick with sleep, comes from somewhere behind Sarah. “Who’s there?”

Sarah opens the door wider while I jam the ring back into my coat pocket. Kate looks awful. Her eyes are red and swollen, her lips rimmed in white. She’s been crying, and recently. I look to Sarah, silently begging her to say exactly what my girl needs to hear.

Kate notices me and her eyes go cold. I smile and shrug, my hand still wrapped around the black velvet box in my pocket. “Morning, beautiful.”

She stares at me, her jaw set, her lower lip trembling. And then, without a word, she steps forward and closes the door between us.

Chapter 3

Kate

Sarah takes me by the hand and leads me into the kitchen. "Sit," she says, pointing towards the table. She grabs two mugs out of the cupboard and fills them both with coffee.

“He wants you back, you know.” she says as she sets one down in front of me.

“Of course he does.” I wrap both hands around the mug and hold it close to my face. “I mean, look at me. Who doesn’t want some of this?” I don’t need to look in the mirror to know I look awful. I’ve been up almost all night with a head full of loneliness, regret, and question marks.

Sarah’s warm laughter fills the small kitchen. She sips her coffee and sighs in pleasure, just like she has with every cup of coffee for her entire life. “He loves you.”

“And I love him. But—” I set my mug down and wave a hand—“is love enough?”

“I’d say it goes pretty far.”

“Right. But…” I sigh. It’s all so confusing. For every thought I have on the subject, I have an equally strong opposing thought.

“No buts.” Sarah runs a hand up into her starkly black hair and shakes it out. “You and Matt are good together. Great even. You need to talk to him.”

“I can’t. Not now. Not when I’m so confused. I love him so much, Sarah. So. Much. It was all I could do to shut the door on him just now.”

Sarah sucks her upper lip into her mouth and chews on it, a sure sign she's trying not to say something. A rush of gratitude warms me. I couldn't stand it if she spent the morning telling me what to think about this situation. Despite a raging headache, I smile at my friend.

“Thank you for being here for me. For not judging me when I contemplate walking away from someone like Matt.”

“Oh, I’m judging.” Sarah winks at me. “A hot fireman who treats you like a princess? I'm just waiting for you to walk away so I can make a move.”

I laugh.

“There she is.” A broad smile lights Sarah’s face. “I knew my sweet friend was in there somewhere. Damsel in distress is not a good look for you.”

“You be careful,” I say, pointing a stern finger her way. “Everything’s a good look for me. You know that better than anyone.”

Sarah feigns shock. “Humble much?”

I laugh and finish my coffee, enjoying Sarah’s company while thoughts of Matt flit through my head.

* * *

When I show up to work the next day, there’s a vase on my desk with four mismatched flowers trying to topple out of it. The haphazard arrangement surprises me and I study it, pursing my eyebrows in confusion. Matt’s more of a dozen red roses kind of guy. I deposit my purse on my chair and find a note, just a few lines of his neat print marching across the page.

Green Hydrangea, the color of Peridot. August’s birthstone. The month I first met you.

The Cornflower. Blue like a sapphire. September. The month I knew I loved  you.

A white rose. Like a pearl. June’s birthstone. The month you moved in with me.

And a purple orchid.

I miss you. I need you. Come home to me.

Matt.

I stare at the strange mix of flowers and smile. The touching gesture is Matt's forte. But what could the purple orchid stand for? A quick Google search tells me that February’s birthstone is purple. What's so special about February?

As touching as the gesture is, the awkward arrangement takes up too much desk space. Careful not to meet any of the questioning eyes around me, I carry the vase into the locker room and set it down. Matt has the day off, but I keep expecting him to come up behind me, wrap his arm around my waist and pull me close. To whisper in my ear. To kiss me on the neck and remind me that I’m his, always, no matter how much distance I put between us.

I don’t know if I’m disappointed or relieved when he never shows up.

* * *

Matt

Peering out from around a corner with Sarah, I watch Kate read the card I left on her desk this morning.

"She's smiling," I whisper.

"Of course she's smiling. Who wouldn't smile at such a sweet gesture?"

It stings when she marches the vase into the locker room, but I’d be a fool to let that bother me. Kate’s quiet but strong. Shy but determined. If one simple gesture was enough to change her mind, she wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with.

“You ready for me to tell her yet?” asks Sarah, her pale blue eyes wide as she peers up at me.

“How many times do I have to tell you this?” I widen my eyes and flare my hands. “If you tell her, it won’t be a surprise and therefore won’t be perfect anymore.”

“You’re being such a man.”

The statement baffles me. “So?”  

“Let me try to spell this out for you so you can hear me through all that rugged handsomeness. If I don’t tell her, then you might not get a chance to propose. And that's definitely not perfect.” Sarah shrugs. “Make sense now?”

“Just watch.” I turn to Sarah in time to see Ben, one of our newest firefighters, heading our way. He’s every cliché of every cocksure noobie ever. From the stupid way he saunters up to us to the black t-shirt—two sizes too small with the words I FIGHT WHAT YOU FEAR stretched across his chest.

“Can’t get enough of this place, can ya? I get it,” he says, looking so proud of himself I’d roll my eyes if I didn’t remember feeling the same way when I first started out.

With one last peek at Kate—she’s lifting her dark curls up off her neck—I give my attention to Ben, making a lame excuse as I head to the door.

Because our dispatchers work twelve-hour shifts, Kate won’t get off until after dinner, which means I have to kill time for most of the day. When she pulls into the parking lot outside of Sarah’s apartment, I’m waiting for her. Hands shoved in my pocket. Fingers wrapped around the black velvet box hiding there. Back hunched against the cold.

She slows when she sees me. The steady crunch of her boots in the new-fallen snow falters and then stops altogether. “Matt.” She says my name like it’s both a curse and a prayer, shifting the vase of flowers in her arms.

I push off the wall and take her face in my hands. Cup her cheeks and stare down into her warm, brown eyes. It’s only been a day since she left, but it feels like a lifetime.

“Come home to me,” I say, running my thumb along her cheekbone.

“I can’t come home.” Tears waver in her eyes. “I can’t think when you’re around. Not clearly anyway. And I really need to think.”

I could do it right now. Drop to one knee in front of her. Pull out the ring. Ask her to be my reason for everything for the rest of my life. I could put all this nonsense behind us and bring her home with me, where she belongs.

But I don’t.

If I propose now, she’ll assume it’s because she’s upset. That I’m not genuine. And my perfect girl, who I want to make perfectly happy, will doubt my motivations for the rest of our life. I need her to believe that I'm choosing her because of who she is and not how she’s acting.

So instead of saying anything, I lower my lips to hers and kiss her. Draw her close. Press her body to mine. At first she stiffens, but then melts into me, her lips parting with a sigh. Way before I'm ready, I pull away. Pause long enough for her to say something, anything, and when she says nothing, I drop a kiss on her forehead, shove my hands in my pockets, and walk away.

Chapter 4

Kate

I tumble into bed, drunk on his kiss. The memory of those piercing blue eyes staring into mine. His words, so simple.

Come home to me.

I wonder if he knows that he’s my home. Wherever he is, that’s where I’m most comfortable. I pull the comforter up around my chin, the cheap fabric scratching my skin as the bedsprings protest my movement, and fall asleep smiling.

The next day at work, four balloons wait for me at my desk. Like the flowers, they’re each a different color. Green. Blue. White. And purple. It has to mean something, but if Matt thinks he’s being clear, he’s got another thing coming to him. I haven’t the foggiest idea what the purple one stands for. That doesn’t stop me from appreciating the gesture, though. How many men remember big things like anniversaries, let alone little things like the day we first met?

I spend the day distracted, certain Matt is around the corner, bound to saunter up to me any minute. As the hours pass, the certainty fades, even though hope continues to bloom in my chest until my shift ends and he never shows. Even then, I expect to find him leaning against the wall outside Sarah’s apartment, hands shoved in his pockets, that slightly crooked grin of his smeared across his face. Instead, I find Sarah, bouncing excitedly just inside the door.

“Balloons? What? Are we in junior high or something?” She scrunches up her nose and stares at them like they smell funny.

“He’s just being sweet. I kind of needed it.”

“Nope. What you need is to come out and get drunk with me.”

I know better than to go out for drinks with Sarah. She swears it will make me feel better, but I know what will happen. We’ll get drunk, she’ll find a hot guy, and I’ll be finding a taxi home all by my lonesome. But no matter how hard I protest, she’s not listening.

And what can I say?

I totally called it.

Here I am, on my way home after a boring evening watching her get toasted.

The world slides past me while I lean against the door in the back of a cab, the heat from my body fogging up the window while I hope whoever threw up in here didn’t do it where I’m currently sitting. I miss Matt. I missed him this morning. I missed him at work. I missed him when I came home to Sarah’s apartment instead of our house. And I spent the entire night feigning a smile for my friend when all I wanted was to curl up in his arms and breathe him in.

The taxi pulls into a parking space in front of Sarah’s apartment and I fumble in my purse for some cash.

Oh no.

Cash.

I don’t carry cash anymore.

I pull out my wallet and peer into the thing as if I could somehow will some money to show up there with the power of my mind. But even after a few seconds of staring, the thing’s still empty. What am I going to do? I glance up just as someone tall, broad, and blond bends down to knock on the driver’s door.

The cabbie cracks the window.

“I’ll pay,” drawls a familiar voice.

“It’s okay, Matt. I got this,” I say, meeting the cabbie’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Do you take debit cards?”

He shakes his head. “Nope,” he says and then turns to Matt who already has his wallet out.

“You don’t have to do this,” I say as I half fall out of the cab. How many drinks did I have?

Matt catches me by the arm and finishes paying the cabbie. “Of course I do.”

“Well, thank you, I guess.”

“I’ve got you. Always. You know that.” Matt holds onto my arm as I stagger up the sidewalk. “Where are the balloons I got you?”

“I set them free.” I slide my key into the lock.

“Set them free?”

“Yep.” I push open the door and pull Matt in with me. “Up into the sky. Didn’t want them to waste the best years of their life with me if I didn’t really want them.”

The truth is, I did want them and I didn’t set them free. I’m just tipsy enough to feel feisty.  The balloons are in the kitchen, tied to the vase filled with the flowers he gave me yesterday.

“I want you, Kate.” Matt’s voice is low and thick and filled with so much emotion I have to laugh or I’ll cry.

“Of course you do.” I flare my hands and turn in a slow circle. “I look hot in this outfit.”

I shrug off my coat and start to head into the kitchen for a glass of water. He grabs my wrist and pulls me back into him.

“No, silly. You. I want you. Come home to me.”

I’m so close to saying yes it almost breaks me. A tiny piece of my heart splinters off, twisting and turning through my bloodstream. It would be so easy to give in. To come home and go back to our life together. To let myself love him even if I never do get to have his last name, or make a real family with him. Is it really so bad that I’ll be his girlfriend for the rest of our natural lives and never his wife?

But, if he’s committed enough to give me the rest of his life, why isn’t he committed enough to give me his last name? Why keep that one thing separating us?

“I can’t.” The words are a whisper, so hard to say I can barely say them at all. I look up at him, sadness etched into the frown lines around his mouth. “But you can stay,” I say, stepping into him, running my hands up his arms. “Here.” I tilt my head, angling my mouth towards his, inviting him to kiss me and not walk away because I’m drunk. “With me.”

Matt lowers his face, his lips almost touching mine. “I love you, Kate,” he says before he threads his hands into my hair and consumes me.

My heart races. My breath quickens. Warmth pools between my legs and my soul soars. As his hands roam my body—not a tourist, but a native who knows all the twists and turns—I rejoice in him. In this moment. In us.

I run my hands up under his shirt, dig my nails into his skin. He growls into my mouth, pressing his hips into mine. The bulge of his cock strains against his jeans. There’s no turning back. Not now. Not when he’s my whole life and he’s right here, wanting me as much as I want him.

I fumble open his button and slide my hand inside his pants, wrapping my fingers around his length, so hard and warm against my winter-chilled skin. His eyes slide closed. “Fuck. Kate.”

“That’s right,” I say, grinning wickedly. “Fuck me.”

His eyes spring open. His hands at my shirt, pulling it over my head. His lips on my throat, my collarbone, my breasts. Sighing and shifting, our harried breath fills the small room. We’re naked, bare to each other. He slides his hands under my ass, lifts me up, and pins me against the wall. His gaze captures mine as he slides into me.

I moan, complete for the first time in days. Lost in the beauty of how we are together. “Oh fuck, Matt. I missed you.”

He thrusts. “I need you, Kate.” Thrusts again. “I love you so fucking much.” His eyes burn into mine. His words unlock my heart. Tears form in my eyes and I come. Hard. My screams fill my friend's apartment while my nails dig into the flesh at his shoulders.

Matt presses his forehead to mine and spills inside me, never once looking away. I kiss him, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. “Stay with me,” I say, and he does.

Chapter 5

Matt

I wish I could say that I took Kate into the guest room, curled up beside her, and got a good night’s rest, especially considering I have to work at six thirty in the morning.

You know what?

Fuck that.

I don’t wish that at all. I’m more than happy to stay up all night with her. I’ve missed Kate so much. I don't care how tired I am tomorrow. It'll be worth it.

“Thank you for not kicking me out.” I prop myself up on my elbow and trail a finger along the flare of her hip and the curve of her waist. Goosebumps flare across her skin.

“Thank you for staying with me.” Kate smiles and it’s heaven. “But you’ll have to leave before Sarah gets here. I don’t feel like explaining this to her.”

I frown. “First of all, you’re a grown woman. My grown woman. And Sarah’s not your keeper.” I wink to take the sting out of my words. “And second of all, I have to be at the fire station at six thirty. I’m sure I’ll be out of here before she comes wandering in.”

Kate widens her eyes. “What are you even doing awake right now?”

“Stealing every last minute I can with you.”

A blush flares across her cheeks and she drops her eyes, smiling. She’s silent, fighting whatever nasty thoughts are swirling around in her head. Kate’s smart. Almost too smart. She can think herself into such a state of anxiety I don’t know how she functions some days. She’s also kind-hearted and loyal. Protective of the few people she lets into her heart. Whatever war she’s fighting with herself is sure to be nasty. I can end it now by pulling that little box out of my pocket and telling her just how much I love her.

But then it wouldn’t be perfect. And damn it, I've spent a year making sure it's everything she wanted.

It took a lot of prying to get her to even describe her dream proposal. She didn’t want to tell me and dictate to me how to do it. Hell, she didn’t even want to talk about marriage because if it happened, she wanted it to be on my terms. When I was ready.

Well, I’m ready now and I’ve found one hell of a perfect woman and damn it, I’m going to make it perfect for her.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, biting her lip.

“You. Us.”

She takes a breath, those thick lashes fluttering as she tries to sort out exactly what she wants to say. I put a finger to her lips.

“I know you have a lot of soul-searching to do. I’m not pushing. But, Kate? I can’t imagine spending Valentine’s Day without you. I’ve been planning a big night for us. Been sneaking around for months to get all the reservations made without you knowing.” I smile. “Please. Don’t make any decisions about us yet.”

Her eyes flicker across my face, her thoughts darkening her eyes. Am I an ass for drawing this out? For torturing her like this? Or will it only make the gesture all the more grand and meaningful? Valentine’s Day is only two days away. Surely that’s not too long to make her wait.

Kate finally nods, a smile brightening her face. “I would love that, Matt. I really would.” The smile stretches into a yawn.

“Come on, love. Let’s get my tired girl some sleep.” I hold out my arm and she flips over, putting her back against me as she wraps my arm around her stomach. It feels so good. So right. I can’t wait until I have her back in my arms every night.

* * *

I drift in and out of sleep, keeping an eye on my phone so I can get up before my alarm. After a little less than two hours of rest, I slide out of bed just before six. I should be exhausted but I’m not. The thought of proposing to this woman tomorrow night exhilarates me. Maybe I’ll feel differently once I’ve spent a few hours at work, but right now I’m operating somewhere above cloud nine.

Careful not to make a sound, I creep out of the bedroom and head out into the living room for my clothes. I remember her fevered kiss. The chill of her fingers against my dick. God, that woman. Five years in and she still sets me on fire. That body. Those curves. The way she holds herself with such reserve all day long only to drop all her defenses with me in bed.

By the time I find my underwear near the front door, I’m completely hard. The scrape of a key in the lock jolts me into action and I pull my boxer briefs on just in time for Sarah to step into the apartment.

Her eyes go from my face, to my bare chest, and right down to my crotch. “Nice to see you, too,” she says, raising her eyebrows as she closes the door against the chill.

“Bad night?” I ask as she drops her purse and rubs her face.

She watches me pull my shirt over my head and step into my jeans. “Not bad. But obviously not as good as yours.”

I beam, almost giddy. “Kate agreed to come out with me on Valentine’s Day. Can’t get much better than that, now can it? It’s only a matter of time before I get my girl home.”

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Sarah leans against the wall, looking tired. “I might decide to use my powers for evil.” She chuckles and raises her eyebrows to let me know she’s joking.

“Please. Just make sure she comes. I love her, Sarah. These last few days, coming home to an empty apartment … it’s been hell.”

“I’ll do what I can. Now get out of here so I can finish my walk of shame without so much … you know … shame.”

Chapter 6

Kate

Matt might as well be an elephant in a drum factory for all the noise he’s making. I keep my eyes closed and my breathing even as he slides out of bed and goes about gathering his clothes. I can’t fathom how to deal with what happened last night. The minute he shuts the bedroom door, I sit up and put my head in my hands.

I love that man so much. So. Much. I can’t be near him without feeling whole and real. I can’t think about anything other than how good he is to me. How perfect we are together. How he’s everything I ever wanted wrapped up in one damn fine package. How am I supposed to think about ending things between us when I want him more than anything?

It’s just such a mess and I can’t see up from down, right from wrong, black from white. It’s all a jumble of self-doubt and questions. And if it was bad before, after last night, it’s worse. So much worse.

My bedroom door rattles as the front door opens. Regret and relief hold hands and trample around inside my head. At least he’s leaving and I can think again.

Muffled voices meander down the hallway. Is that Sarah? I creep over to the door and put my ear to it but still can’t make out what they’re saying. Which is fine. Right? I don’t need to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Except I totally do.

I slowly turn the doorknob and crack the door, pressing my ear towards the opening. I hear Matt tell Sarah he thinks I’m coming home after Valentine’s Day. I hear Sarah promise to do what she can. And then I hear the front door close once and for all.

Nausea boils in my stomach and the headache intensifies. All while my heart begs me to just go home to Matt and put away my girlish dreams of a proposal. This is the twenty-first century. I can live out my life with the man I love without a ring on my finger, right?

Sarah comes around the corner and finds me fighting tears. “That’s not the face I expected to see after a night of some damn fine lovin'.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this. I can’t be with him and not be with him. The moment he’s near me, I forget everything except how much I love him.”

“And that’s a bad thing because…?” Sarah flares her hands, looking way less judgmental than she sounds.

“Because I’m afraid I’ll just go back to him and spend the rest of my life wondering why he won’t commit to me. It’s like he needs an escape clause or something. Like not marrying me will make it easier for him to leave at a moment’s notice.”

“Kate…”

I hold up my hands. “I’ll never be able to relax. I’ll always wonder what it is in me that has him needing an escape route.” I swallow and close my eyes. “I need a clean break now or I’ll shatter over the rest of however many years we have left together.”

“Don’t make a hasty decision on this. Matt’s a good guy.”

“The only kind of decision that will get me through this is a hasty one. I can’t go meet him on Valentine’s Day. I just can’t. I love him so much and whatever he’s got planned for me will only make me love him more. I can’t give him all of me when he’s holding back.”

“I get it, sweets. I do. But this is big. At least think about it over a cup of coffee.”

Sarah’s right. This is big. But even after my third cup of coffee, I still feel the same. I have to walk away. Now. While I still can.

* * *

Sarah

I spend most of the day trying to talk Kate into going out with her boyfriend so he can propose. The more I push, the more she digs her heels in. By the time dinner rolls around, she’s adamant about breaking it off with Matt altogether. I make up some lame excuse about needing mass quantities of ice cream and call him as soon as I’m in the car.

“Dude. She’s not coming.” I flick on the turn signal and head towards the grocery store. “You need to get over here and solve this.”

“What?” There’s a lot of noise on Matt’s end of the line. “We just got a call. I’m heading out on a job. I can’t leave.”

“Shit. Then you need to let me tell her what’s going on.”

“But then all of this, all the anxiety she’s been going through, it’ll be for nothing.”

“I’m telling you,” I say, desperate to make him understand how dire the situation is. “If she doesn’t find out soon, that’s all you’ll have. Nothing. She’s talking about going to get the rest of her stuff out of the house tonight.”

More commotion drowns out the beginning of Matt’s sentence. “Don’t let her do anything today. I’ll get there as soon as I can. I gotta go. Don’t let her leave me, Sarah.”

Chapter 7

Kate

I’ve spent the entire day fighting tears and the entire evening giving into them. Sarah left an hour ago. By the time she gets back, I’ll be too upset to enjoy the ice cream I thought I wanted when she left. What I should have asked for was some vodka so I can drink away the pain and sleep through tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll text her and see if she’s still at the store.

A knock at the door answers my question. Apparently, she’s home and bought so much ice cream she can’t get her key in the lock. I rub my hands on my fleece PJ pants before standing. I know she’s trying to help, but ice cream won’t sit well in my poor, upset stomach.

“How much Ben & Jerry’s could you possibly have?” I ask as I pull open the door.

It’s not Sarah.

Matt stands on the doorstep, hands shoved in his coat pocket. Snowflakes flutter around him, catching in his hair. My knees go weak. My throat constricts. My hands ball into fists. My eyes fill with tears. A million physical reactions that leave me frozen and wordless. Desperate to both close the door on him forever and throw myself into his arms and beg him to take me home.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I ask, my mouth working without my permission.

Matt blinks away an errant snowflake. “Yep.”

“What happened?”

“I had something more important to do.”

Matt loves his job. Grew up dreaming of saving people from burning buildings. I’ve never seen him so much as call in sick, let alone leave in the middle of a shift.

“Can I come in?” he asks. “It’s cold out here.”

As if to prove a point, a blast of wind sends a swirl of snowflakes into my face. I want to say no but I’m helpless against him. I nod, open the door all the way, and step aside.

We stand in the entryway. His eyes roaming my tear-stained face. I should ask him to have a seat, but I’ll never be able to ask him to leave again if I do.

“Sarah said you aren’t going out with me tomorrow.” He says it like a question, like he hopes she was mistaken.

I suck in my lips and look at the floor. “I can’t.”

“Kate—”

I hold up my hand to stop whatever he has to say. “Matt. I love you. So much. And I’m going to be brutally honest. I gave you everything. All the parts of me that make me good or bad or whatever it is I am. You have them. I’ve not held one tiny piece of me back. But when you told me you didn’t want to get married, I realized you’re actually the one holding back.”

“Kate—”

“No. Let me say this. I want to marry you. I want to have your last name and raise your children. I don’t want anything between us, not even something as silly as a name. I want to grow old together, stockpiling memories and laughing our way through the hard stuff. And I thought you wanted that, too.” I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands.

“Kate. Look at me.” Matt sounds like he’s smiling and it’s an icepick to my heart. He grasps my wrists and tries to uncover my face.

I struggle. “Please. Just go.”

“Fine,” he says, letting me go. “But you need to hear me out first.”

I peek out from behind my hands and raise my eyebrows.

“I had this all planned out. It was supposed to be perfect. A surprise. But it got away from me and now it’s a disaster. I wanted you to remember this for the rest of our lives.” He chuckles, a wry sound. “I guess you probably will anyway, after all this.”

“What are you talking about?” I slide my hands down so they’re just covering my lips. Part of me already knows. The other part is afraid I’ve got it all wrong.

Matt pulls one hand out of his coat pocket. Wrapped in his fist is a little black box. “You told me once that you wanted a surprise proposal on Valentine’s Day. That you wanted to get dressed up and go out. Have someone get down on his knee in front of everyone. I tried, Kate.”

I drag my eyes from the box up to his face. He looks miserable.

“You say you want nothing between us? Believe me, babe. Neither do I. I want to give you my name and put my baby in your belly. I want a herd of little me’s and you’s running around and getting into trouble so you can tell me it’s all my fault because my genes make them as ornery as I am. I want all of you with all of me.”

Tears roll down my cheeks. “Are you sure?”

“Baby, I’ve been saving up for this ring for the last year and a half. I couldn’t be more sure if I tried.” He opens the box and I choke on a sob, smiling and crying and so confused I don’t know what to do with myself.

“Marry me,” he says, plucking the ring from the box and holding it out for me.

I nod, holding out my hand. “I thought you’d never ask,” I say, sniffing while he laughs.

Matt slides the ring on my finger and wipes away my tears. “I’m sorry it’s not perfect.”

“Oh, Matt. Believe me. It couldn’t be more perfect.”

Epilogue

Kate

Matt smirks at me from our bed. “Why don’t we just skip dinner and stay right here.”

“No way. After what you put me through these last few days? The least you could do is buy me dinner.” I give him a little shrug of my shoulder, a devilish grin, and then turn my back to him, giving him a view of my naked ass while I dig through my closet for the perfect dress.

“The red one,” he says. “You look amazing in the red one.”

We shower together, taking turns soaping each other up only to get lost in long kisses. He shaves while I dry my hair. When our eyes meet through the mirror, we smile. His ring glints on my finger. An unusual cut, not too big or too small, but so beautiful it distracts me from time to time.

It’s a long ride to the restaurant. Brookside isn’t big enough to warrant anything larger than a Frisch’s, so we’re heading out to a more populated area. We fill the time talking about all the things that fill our day and the hour-long drive passes in what feels like minutes.

“Briello?” I widen my eyes and drop my jaw as he parks in front of one of the trendiest restaurants in Indiana. “How in the world did you get reservations?”

Matt’s eyes gleam in the low light. “I told you. I’ve been working on this for a long time.”

I put my hand on his, the diamond glinting, catching my attention. “I can’t believe I ever doubted you.”

“You and me both.” He winks and pulls me towards him, pausing to undo his seatbelt before he kisses me. “I’ll love you for the rest of forever.”

“Good. Because I’m still mad you made me panic for three days just because you were too stubborn to break your plans.”

He pulls away and puts his hand on the door. “But come on now, would you really have it any other way?” he asks as he slides out of the truck. We meet on the sidewalk and I take his hand.

“Not really.” I grin up at him. “I mean, I could have skipped all the drama and soul-searching, but I’m totally fine with how it ended up.”

He holds the door for me and rests his hand on the small of my back as I pass. The restaurant interior is everything I wanted it to be. Fresh and funky. Clean lines. Black floors and white lights with little splashes of color along the way. Matt gives the hostess our name and takes my coat, gesturing for me to lead as we’re lead to our table. Conversation buzzes around us, quiet music filtering through the sounds of people eating, drinking, and laughing.

All the tables except one are covered in white tablecloths with black napkins, a single candle flickering in a ceramic centerpiece. The other, the one in the middle of the room, the one we’re being led to, has a purple table cloth. Tealights cover a stair-stepped centerpiece and flicker warmly. Matt pulls out my chair before sitting across from me.

“Purple,” he says. “Like February’s birthstone. The month I propose.”

People stare and whisper, wondering who we are and why our table is so special.

“How’d you talk them into doing this?” I ask, leaning forward.

“It was easy, actually. Just had to buy all the supplies and drop them off last week.”

“It’s perfect, Matt. It really is.”

Familiar dishes with exotic twists fill the menu and they all sound so good it takes me forever to decide what to order. I finally settle on an Asian chicken while Matt goes straight for the steak.

“So good,” I say, moaning as I close my eyes. “We could come here once a week and everything would be right with the world.”

A hush falls around us and someone gasps. I open my eyes to find Matt down on one knee beside me. I cover my mouth with my hands. Considering I’m already wearing the ring, I expected him to skip this part.

“Kate,” he says, that damn crooked smile lighting up his face. “I love you enough to make things perfect even when it makes you want to leave me.” He shrugs and bites his lip while I chuckle. “Marry me?”

I nod and grin and people around us applaud. He takes my hand, pulls me to my feet, and kisses me a little longer than he should in a public place. When he’s done, he pulls away, gives me a wink, and then leans in to whisper in my ear.

“How about we skip dessert and head home to make a little of our own?”

I smile up at him through my lashes. “I thought you’d never ask.”