Beyond Us Chapter 15 - Alternate POV

Hope 

I was quiet on the drive home—we both were. Ordinarily silence in the car with Eli would have frazzled my nerves. Neither of us was very good at “quiet,” especially when we were together. Tonight, he seemed as distracted by something as I was by the disorganized tidbits of my relationship Yoda’s poignant advice still racing through my mind.  

“Do you really not have any desire to start dating? Or would your answer change if you had the chance to start dating him?”  

As far as Eli’s reason for being quiet, the redheaded bimbo from the bar seemed a likely guess, I just didn’t have the bandwidth to focus on it.  

I wanted to tell him how I felt.  

I wanted it so much it was quickly becoming a need. 

I wanted a tire to blow or the car to run out of gas, so we’d have to pull off and I could finally break the silence with an unsolicited declaration of my love. The Pact be damned! Really what I wanted was to hear him tell me he felt the same. None of that happened, of course. Not a single mechanical issue the entire drive home. Not even bad weather. I knew it was for the best. It wouldn’t have been fair to Eli, or the stupidly gorgeous redhead he’d become enamored with. 

When we arrived at the apartment, a still quiet Eli unlocked the door, then stepped aside to allow me past. It was the first thing about the evening that felt even kind of normal. But then, he was always chivalrous with me like that. 

“All right, Max.” Eli dropped his keys on the counter, then stowed his leftovers in the fridge. “Spill it,” he said finally turning his full attention to me. 

“Spill what?” I asked with a tilt of my head. 

“The beans.” 

Eager to lighten the mood, I glanced at the carryout box still in my hands. “But I didn’t have any beans.”  

Eli half-rolled his eyes. “Very funny. You should be a quantum physicist.”  

A quantum…what? That had to be a joke, but it made no sense. 

I studied him carefully, as if I had the ability to gauge what was going on in that beautiful head of his while he began devouring a batch of cookies I’d made earlier in the week.  

“You’re being so weird tonight,” I said. “What beans are you talking about? And how are you still eating?” 

Completely ignoring my question about the cookies, Eli launched into an explanation of how funny Elaine was. I must not have looked appropriately impressed, because he kept trying to retell some of her more hilarious jokes.  

Maybe it was a good thing the car didn’t break down on the way home. He sounded enamored. 

My shoulders slumped as my heart bounced off the floor. “She sounds funny.”  

No, she didn’t.  

Her jokes were almost as funny as the heart-wrenching thought of Eli hanging on her every word as she told them.  

“She is. What about you?” Eli carefully swept his cookie crumbs into a pile, then dumped them in the sink. “Was I right? Did I pick the perfect guy for you?” 

I placed my carryout box in the fridge next to Eli’s, hovering for a moment while I decided on the best response to his question. “Not quite.”  

I closed the refrigerator door and found Eli there, his body inches from mine, a bright smile lighting up his face. “It sure sounded like you had a good time.”  

“Oh, I did. Keith is a great guy.”  

“But not the perfect guy?” 

“Not for me.”  

Eli tilted his head as he tried to process the statement. “How come?” 

“Mainly because he’s gay. Great guy. Just not exactly looking for someone with my…umm…qualifications,” I said, pointing to my breasts. Sadly, not even that oh-so-subtle hint was enough to spark Eli’s interest. His focus never left my eyes. 

“Not buying it, Max. Not at all.” He snorted laughter and folded his arms across his chest then leaned against the wall, looking me over like he was trying to find the joke. “I saw the way he was looking at you from the second he walked in…” 

I fought back a smile. “He wasn’t looking at me, you big goofball. He was looking at you.” 

Everyone’s always looking at you. 

Eli’s mouth fell open like it never occurred to him that Keith wasn’t eyeing me. “And here I thought you two were really hitting it off.” 

“Oh, we were. Keith is just as nice and charming as you thought he was. And he’s a lawyer.” Instinctively, my eyes darted to our legally binding pact, framed and hanging on the wall. I tried to recover by redirecting the conversation. “What about you? How was your night?” 

As Eli shared—in great detail—virtually everything he’d learned about Elaine I thought I was going to be sick. “She sounds amazing, Eli,” I lied.  

He nodded his agreement. “Almost.” 

“How in the world can you say almost about a woman like that?” 

He hesitated, his face softening with emotion. His warm eyes melting like chocolate. A miniscule smile lifting one corner of his mouth. He was so smitten, it hurt my poor selfish heart. A better friend would be happy for him. 

“I’m not sure she’s all that interested in hanging out with a stripper,” he finally said. 

“Defense mechanism!” I held up a finger. “You’re hiding behind your job, my friend. If you never let her in, you don’t run the risk of getting hurt.” I knew Eli too well. I could see on his face he knew I was right.  

Okay, then. Time to stop worrying about my heart, my feelings, and start helping him with his. Pull up your big girl panties, Hope.  

I leaned against the counter beside him, resting my shoulder against his. “You should have made your move.”  

 “Just right there? In the middle of a crowded bar?” 

“Definitely.”  

“And you don’t think that would have been weird at all? Making a move on a woman I’d met barely an hour ago?” 

I shrugged. “For most people, sure. But not for you. You’re a rock star, Eli. Everyone loves you. I’m beyond certain that this Elaine…the saint that she is”—I paused while I made the sign of the cross—“would have been more than happy to fall prey to your mad move-making skills.”  

Eli gave me a funny look that lasted so long, insecurity forced me to look away.  

But…there was something in the way he looked at me… 

…something in his eyes. 

Something that made me question if I had it all wrong. 

What if this was our moment? 

When I returned my gaze, Eli answered the wish with a finger on my chin, angling my face to his. For one glorious second, every fiber of my being filled with hope for what was about to happen.  

Gently, Eli gripped the back of my head and kissed me.  

I cupped his cheeks with both hands, and he wrapped me in his powerful arms. 

He was a flame to my oxygen, drawing me in, devouring me with every touch.  

And then I realized what the hell I was doing. I’d broken our legally binding pact. I’d misunderstood his cues…of course I did. Eli didn’t want to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted it so much, I imagined the look in his eyes, misinterpreted the situation. 

And kissed my best friend. 

“I am so sorry,” I said as I covered my mouth, a finger trailing over the space where Eli’s lips had just been.  

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. How could I let this happen? I rambled apologies as I tried to put my hair back together and my heart back in my chest.  

“Please don’t say you’re sorry…”  

I cut Eli off with an excuse about being tired then tried not to run to my bedroom. I closed the bedroom door and leaned against it, my body still ablaze from Eli’s touch. I still felt his lips on mine, full of heat and passion. My soul cried out for him, my heart begged me to open the door and go to him. To pour out all the confusion of the day, to explain all the strange thoughts and feelings, to understand what it was that happened between us. 

But I couldn’t.  

Fear overrode everything. Fear that he’d laugh at me. Fear that he’d kick me out. Fear that I’d lose him forever because I’d finally given in to my desire. Or worse, I’d lose myself forever because that was how I loved. Blindly, willing to sacrifice my needs to make someone else happy.   

I heard Eli come down the hallway. Knew he was standing just inches away on the other side of the door. Desperation rose inside me. 

Open the door, Hope. Open the door and let him in. 

Tears burned my eyes and I swiped them away, but I didn’t move. I knew that if I gave one fraction of an inch, I would rush right into his arms. And while my heart knew it was where I belonged, I had no way to know if Eli agreed.  

I heard him go to his room.  

I crept into the hallway. Stopped in front of his door.  

Knock, Hope. Or just open the damn thing and go to him.  

But I couldn’t.  

Instead, I gently placed a hand to the wood. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, before returning to my room, flopping onto my bed, and replaying that perfect kiss until I finally fell asleep. 

*** 

Eli 

I was the one who’d initiated the kiss. I was the one who’d broken our pact and put our friendship at risk. So why was Hope the one apologizing? Why did she run away? How could things have gotten so twisted between us? 

Desperate to clear things up, I strode down the hall, then stood in front of her closed door, hand raised, ready to knock…not wanting to push her too far and worried I already had. 

And so, I dropped my hand to my side and retreated to my bedroom, afraid I’d regret what just happened for the rest of my life.